Monday, September 05, 2005
July 24, 2005
821pm
This month was another painful one. It seems like we never get any rest. During the first few weeks, Cor ran away, because she wasn't seeing as much of me as she said she needed. after a few talks, some chases, and a whole lot of tears, she went home. She did so without seeing me, she came up with the decision after thinking about everything herself, and for that, i'm proud of her.
After that episode, I ran away from my home. Kind of stupid, I know. I did that believing that there was no hope for my family, that I had a chance to make things better for myself out there, though somewhat lacking in experience and skill, I wanted to try. Now i'm home. I still want to try, but when i'm prepared. Everything thats been happening made me realize who was responsible and why this all happened. I don't need to say his name, he knows who he is. I may not explain why I came to realize this but if he looks at everything, and stops thinking of himself as the saint he imagines himself to be, and sees what has happened in everyones lives, includings his own, he ought to see what I do.
Hes always talking about his good intentions, but they end up just that, intentions. Perhaps they aren't even as good as he makes everyone think they are. Why? Because to get his way he'll make me feel guilty. He won't say he is, but he's very good at his game. He says things like " I just think you should know" or " We promised honesty to each other". Doesn't all this sound so gay? I know, I was stupid to let myself fall into this trap. I thought he would be an honest friend. Well, he was, just too honest to have any pure thoughts. And to think I used to say I was the user
Hes probably out there now, crying his heart out. aww, poor him. He's texted us; me, cor, and everyone he knows from bene. Even in defeat, he plays mind games. Sick. That may have been the last anyone else ever hears from him, but not me. He still texted me after that, and tried to call me. Even sent a message on friendster. I know i'll see him again. I need my clothes back. I hate the thought of my clothes being stuck there in his apartment.
I know how he'll react to this. He'll probably shake his head, say "oh my God", and start to cry.Then he'll tell all his friends about it and he'll make it look like he was the wronged party. Then he'll find some way of contacting me and he'll say that this was cruel of me and how he did everything for me and how much I got out of him.Well, I didn't get anything good aside from privileges and material things, which dont count compared to how much hurt I got. He'll comment on this too. He'll talk about how much he was hurt and make my pain insignificant. He'll talk about how he got his slut pregnant, how he had to deal with abortion, how his family turned against him, how he lost one of his best friends, how he's in a goodly sized shit right now because he gave up a lot cuz of me and so on an so forth. Mind games. Well it's his fault, everything that's happened to him. But yeah, it's my fault too, for letting him toy with me.
I've dealt with what is my fault (He'll say I haven't yet). He's probably cooking up a plan to get me where it hurts, after he reads this. But you know what, I dont care. So go ahead man, hit me. you can't do any worse than you already have. And if by some miracle of the devil you do find some way, you'll regret it. I always said I was dangerous, and that wasn't empty boasting. I dont need my wakizashi, or my shuriken. I can play this game too, if I have to. So don't make our lives any worse. Just give me back my clothes and give Cor her dress, and leave it at that.
1:10 PM
