Darkness falls

Monday, May 30, 2005

I decided to get a little nostalgic today after reading Cor's blog and decided to write about the uneventful day we became us.

November 25, 2003

This was field trip day. The final tourist spot on our agenda was Corregidor island. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Philippine islands, it was a military base during WWII.
I'm always anxious for these trips, because they give me free time to spend with my friends. This one was different. I had mixed feelings about going to this particular island, because of my history there.

Two years ago I had gone there with my first girlfriend. You know what its like, being in love, or thinking that you are, for the first time. Of course I spent the whole day with her and not my friends,we walked the dark brown sands of the beach hand in hand, watching the waves roll back on themselves. Yes, all that crap.

No, i'm sorry, its not all crap. I enjoyed the time she and I spent together, and i'm thankful we're still friends. Our separation hurt, however, and coming to the island after everything made me a little depressed, but nevertheless, I looked forward to it.I was anxious to see if the tree I had carved our names on had survived the weathering of the years, and as weird as it sounds, I knew that this was just the thing to take my mind off of my most recent break up.

I sound like quite the player, dont I? Oh well...

This being the special day it was, I broke off from my usual routine and wke up early. Too early for me,being the nocturnal creature I was. I got up at the crack of dawn, just before the light of the sun reaches the roofs of the houses in my neighborhood. I don't know why, but I like being the first to arrive at school during these things. I got there, and as it was still dark and I was still sleepy, I fell asleep on the bench outside our classroom. The darkness was inviting, a welcome rest from the chaos that came with my every thought.

I opened my eyes to the sound of restless shuffling and yapping, as my schoolmates were waiting for the teachers to arrive. Thats the thing about this school, everyone's always late. I felt hungry as I rose from the bench, which was natural, since I never have breakfast at home, so I headed for the cafeteria and on the way I saw my friends,who had, of course noticed me sleeping on the bench.

"Oy, gising na yung bampira!"

That means "hey, the vampire is awake" in english. It was my fellow vampire who said that, and of course I shot back.

"Kanina ka pa nandito? May araw na a,buti hindi ka nasunog."

And that means "how long have you been here? The sun is up already, good thing you didn't burn." Corny, I know, but we're like that when we see each other. What we say isn't important to us, it's the feelings behind them.

Around the table I saw everybody. One of the fat pervs was there, the dumb rich girl, the other vampire and his bride, the American, and of course, the new girl. I sat down after getting my usual ice coffee and donut(doughnut?) , and the day began. We talked about many things, but soon each of us their own conversaton with some one else in the group. I was talking to the other vamp about something related to art, the dumb rich girl was with the American and the new girl, and the fat perv was talking to the other vamp's bride. Somehow we ended up at our classroom or in the hall with the new girl, the American, and the dumb rich girl. I was talking to the new girl, and the other two left us alone. I knew they meant something by that, and she did too. I admit, I had liked this girl from the start, from when I became her friend, her first in the school, but I had to fight it then. I knew it was wrong, I had someone already.

So I fought. But being in this situation isn't easy. Just sitting like this, talking to her amongst the crowd, hurt a lot. My morals and values fought with my emotions and the thing was, I didn't know which side was right. I've never been in that kind of situation, and I had a lot to risk. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I knew that this girl had feelings for me, the American told me so. And I could see it was true, she wasn't exactly opaque. Knowing how she felt and knowing how i felt and where I was just scared me. Maybe this break up with my ex was final, maybe it wasn't. Maybe she wants me to come back. Questions I had no way of finding the answers to yet. Just as the tension within me was getting to a point where she would notice, there was a loud ring, the teachers I had arrived. Saved by the bell.

So we all met up again and got our stuff, and started to board the bus. On the way, the dumb rich girl pulled me aside and asked if i'd talked to the new girl about my feelings yet.

"I haven't. And I dont think I will."

"Kuya, what is wrong with you? She loves you, can't you see that?!"

"How can she? I've known her for what, a few weeks?"

"I dont understand you. You said you felt the same."

"I'm wrong to feel this way. It really isn't right."

"What, you're worried about Micah? Can't you see that she doesn't deserve you?!"

"I don't see whats so great about me."

"You're a good person!"

"And?"

"Just as I thought. Well, if being a good person is all that matters, then i'm not special. She will get over me, Jade."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Don't you want to be happy? I can see how much Micah's hurt you."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine, as long as you and everyone else is."

With that, she gives me a sad look and gets on the bus. I follow her and find our seats at the back of the bus. I sit down beside the American and as soon as I do, he talks to me about her.

"Dude, aren't you going to talk to her?"

"I've had this conversation with Jade already. Don't start."

"But you said you would."

"I changed my mind. There are a lot of reasons, which I don't feel like bringing up right now."

"What are you going to do?"

"Now i'm going to sleep. Wake me up when we get there."

--to be continued

3:34 AM

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

As you probably know, I didn't get to take the TDT. I was quite disheartened when I found out but I quikly got over it. I looked for colleges that were still open and found a suitable course at Mapua. THey have a digital arts course that takes two years. This suits me becaise I plan to enter U.P. after. My units will be considered and i'm very ok with that. I still plan to have my stories published ( in the form of comics, of course) when i'm out in the real world but I think i'll leave my art career at that. No more plans to be the next Stan Lee. I need money soon, and if I persist with this dream of mine, then i'll never be able to marry Cor. It'll take too long.

Since this is the situation I am in, I have to change, for the sake of our relationship, I must. So my new plan is this; after college I will find a job, any job, to get me started. Of course i prefer to work in advertising or a related field, but in this world, one cannot afford to be picky. As i'm going through the heirarchial ladder of whatever job i'll be in, i'll be saving up most of the money i'll get. Eventually, I hope, i'll have enough. Enough to marry Cor and start a family and basically just have the life i want to have.

Right, like anyone in this world ever gets that. Oh well, one can hope.

11:59 PM

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Here I am again. Doni asked me to blog for him. Wow this page is turning into a Corrie blog.. hehe

Don has been out searching for schools lately. He took tests at both Kalayaan and Mapua. He has decided on Mapua where he will take Digital Arts. Yay!

Last Thursday we went out to Greenhills and Rockwel... I had my tarot cards read at Rockwell. Doni didn’t want to because he said that he would read his own instead.

At the moment, Don is at home ata. Kuya is at Skies. I think he is playing Tantra with Eric...I don’t know. Heh. Meanwhile, Neko's wifey (that’s me) is at home writing a guest blog on this page. And for those of you who are not fortunate enough to know the address of my blog, I am sick right now, which is probably why this entry is so dumb.

I have no idea what else to write because I feel so very sick...

I’m sorry Neko...I did my best...*cough, cough*

Til next time...Doni..Ikaw naman please..

4:08 PM