I know, I know. I haven't been posting. When have I ever posted regularly?
Well, those of you,if there are any, that visit my site from time to time know that I post when things get serious around the world that is my life. So, you know that this is another problem, and if you're tired of reading all about problems here, then I suggest that you leave now and never come back.
Here it goes;
A few days, or weeks ago, the results for this years incoming ADMU students came out. Corrie passed, as is to be expected, while I didn't. This was a blow to me because to some extent I believed what others told me about myself. I believed that I was smart, and that I could accomplish the things I aspire for, as long as I worked on it. Well, I really didn't work to pass the ACET, but still, the rejetion hurt.I have always been hurt by my failures, because they made me feel like I was n't good enough. They still do, actually. I have believed in the faith of other peple in me, yet I aso doubt it. I constantly seek ways of proving myself to myself and to others because of this consuming doubt. Up to now, I have not found anything that would jutify this faith.
I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of not achieving my dreams. I'm tired of fooling myself into thinking that I can do things, because I really can't. If , at everything I have tried, everything that I have found to be a worthwhile pursuit, I had succeeded, then maybe, just maybe I would be happy. Not that I am not happy with my Family now, I just need a reason to continue, to keep fighting.
Just recenty Kuya has been affected by things. He's been brought down by his mistakes as well. He has entered the depression I was in a few days before. He helped me then,but I do not know how to help him now. I cant be the Distractor yet, I'm still reeling from the blows life has thrown on me. I have withstood this in the past, but now I am just too tired. I am weak. I always have been. People depend on me to be strong, and guide them through life, but I do not see why, or how I could be a good choice for people to put their trust in me.
All I ask, all I have ever asked, is for that mysterious omnipotent being we call our God to show me a sign, or at least let me ACHIEVE things, so that I can start believing in myself the way my Family does.
Kuya is in trouble and I want to help. But I don't believe that I can. I don't think I can keep fooling myself anymore.
9:13 PM
About Me
Shinigami Duo
Don. A distinct and utterly confused soul who finds
solace in those around him. Although he claims to
prefer the dark and twisted side of the force, so to
speak, his golden moment are those wherein he is
surrounded by his true friends. He is a
contradiction in himself. A lazy perfectionist, who's
work has heart, even though he seems to put
almost no effort into his work. He is a User, yet he
lets people Use him. He is a smoker, yet when his
friends light up in front of him, it disturbs him
terribly. All this and more, completes the complex
enigma that is Don.
But...What is this "more"? Who IS Don?
-anonymous
